campsight

I’ve been thinking a lot recently (a dangerous pastime, I know), about the unfinished project that is myself.  I’d like to share a few of my thoughts with you.

I would never call my Dad a “handy man,” per se, but he does have considerable knowledge of the way things work and some handy skills to get things working.  He definitely attempted his fair share of DIY projects around the house when I was growing up.  At times, he would be working in a spot that needed a little more light shed on it for him to see well what he was doing.  I, for some reason, always dreaded being called to “hold the light” for him.

Perhaps it was that this job sometimes called for me to get in an awkward position that was uncomfortable, or that my arms would get tired and expose my weakness.  What ever the reason, I just wanted to drop the light and cuss.  Of course, this would have resulted in severe disciplinary action on my father’s part (appropriately so), so I never went this route, but when I am honest with myself, cuss and give up is what I really wanted to do.

A lot of the thinking that I do is related to the music that I have been listening to at the time.  I was just listening to Caedmon’s Call Overdressed in my car.  I have my favorites off that album and have found that while I rarely skip over any songs, I just don’t pay as good attention to some as I do my favorites.  But today was different.  I actually heard the words of the song, “Hold the Light.”  It may become a new favorite:

it’s been a long year/like a long sleepless night/Jacob wrestled the angel/but I’m too tired to fight/every Wednesday/for two years we’ve met/I’ve showed you all my anger/my doubts and bitterness/there was no judgement in your eyes/just the silent peace of God/that felt so real in you/will you hold the light for me?/and I stay up late/because I cannot sleep/I don’t want to face the quiet/where its just God and me/I’m waiting for the gavel/handing me the sentence down/because I don’t believe forgiveness/or even repentance now/I want to feel redemption/flowing through my veins/I want to see with clear eyes/beyond lust and hate/I want the war to be over/and know the good guys won/and I want love to hold me/to know I’m not alone/standing around a willow weeping/we were praying in the backyard/in the chill of the night/the friendship light reminded me who we are.

The lines that caught my attention were, “because I don’t believe forgiveness/or even repentance now.”  I thought, “How sad that someone would not have the hope of forgiveness and healing of repentance in their life.”  I cling to this hope and healing on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis!

Then I listened to the song again to hear the context of those two lines.  I heard, “there was no judgement in your eyes/just the silent peace of God/that felt so real in you/will you hold the light for me?”  As a Christian, I am called to be salt and light in the lives of people that I live, work, and play with(Matthew 5:13-16).  I think that “salt” in these verses is sometimes interpreted as “seasoning,” as if it is our responsibility as Christians to make Christianity more palatable.  I’m not so sure this is right.  I mean, wouldn’t you think it would say something like “cumin” or “red pepper flakes”  if we were to spice up the Christian life?

I believe that these verses are referring to the healing properties of salt, not the seasoning properties.  The Christian life is not always as palatable as we would like for it to be for ourselves or others.  It can, at times, even be down right offensive to some.  It doesn’t promise perfection, but it does promise the healing power of repentance and the hope of forgiveness.  This hope is what I believe this verse is speaking of when it refers to light.  So, as Christians, we are called to show the world the healing power of repentance (salt) and the hope of forgiveness (light).

This is harder than it sounds.  It sometimes calls for me to be put in awkward positions that are uncomfortable.  It may also expose my weaknesses.  Especially when those whom I love and for whom I want so badly to be salt and light, are struggling to believe in forgiveness and repentance.  My compassion weakens to fear and I want to cuss and give up.  My eyes become full of judgement and lose the silent peace of God.  I feel like I need to say more, but my words no longer feel real.  I drop the light and thus the hope of forgiveness.

I’m not sure that this particular project will ever be completed (until Heaven), but I do hope to get some work done on it!  I pray that God will give me the patience and perseverance needed to be salt and light, hope and healing in the lives of everyone I come in contact with.  Can I “hold the light” for you?

All’s well. Eloise is healthy. I am healthy, just fluctuating between mild discomfort and sharp throbbing pain! Again, it is very positional in nature, both my position and Eloise’s. I am learning quickly what I can and cannot do. Eloise has turned again and is breech, giving me some relief from pressure and pain, but she needs to flip back to the correct position for delivery in the next few weeks because I will most likely be induced at 38 weeks which is October 16th. I should have a scheduled date by Wednesday this week. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging comments.

Yesterday I felt so much better than I had Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday that I didn’t even take any of my pain meds.  I was very optimistic about this injury being less severe than it had originally presented itself to be.  Well, no such luck.

When I woke up this morning, I was in a lot of pain.  I decided to soak in a warm bath and eat breakfast then stay off my feet until I needed to leave for my OB appointment.  I chose not to take any pain med because I was hoping the pain would subside like it did yesterday.  I was still in a lot of pain when I left and when I arrived at the OB office.

Last week at my OB office, my doctor had said he thought Eloise was breech.  When he measured my belly today, he said she had flipped and was now head down, in the correct position for labor.  It dawned on me that yesterday, she was definitely laying sideways in my belly.  I could feel a very distinct hard head on my right side and an equally distinct buttocks on my left.  Other people who saw me yesterday even commented on how she looked turned sideways then.

After remembering this, I asked my doctor if her having turned during the night could explain that I was in pain again after having just a little discomfort yesterday.  He said, “Absolutely.”  Apparently, laying sideways, Eloise did not put as much pressure on my pelvis as the days before, and gave her Mama some much needed relief!  (Thanks, Baby Girl!)  But alas, she went ahead and flipped into the vertex position, and again, I hurt!

But this is not all bad news.  First, it is good that she is in the right position for labor and delivery.  This decreases the chances that I will need to be cut open, which I would like to avoid at all cost.  Also, it means that this pain is subject to change based on two major variables:  Eloise’s position and my position.  This means that I don’t have to be in pain ALL the time.  I am quickly learning how to get around without too much pain.  Getting in and out of bed, in and out of the car, and in and out of the bathtub, seem to be the hardest things to do.  I can avoid these things for most of the day.  And, I also have my pain meds, which I think I will continue to take regularly!

A friend of mine from church, an older gentleman, asks me every other week or so how my project is coming along.  This man uses email on occasion and has dial-up access to the internet, but I’m quite sure he has never seen my blog, nor does he care to.  The project he is asking about happens to be of much more importance and value than anything else that I could blog about.  He is inquiring about little Eloise.  I just answer, “We’re doing fine, thanks.”

I am telling you about this frequent exchange because, as of Sunday morning, my focus has been completely turned around.  I am no longer as intent on getting my list of 100 Unfinished Projects completed.  No doubt this focus will be continued after little Eloise has arrived safely and our family has adjusted to a sixth member, but for now, taking care of Eloise and myself has taken on a whole new intensity.   Allow me to explain.

Sunday morning I was trying to herd all the kids into the minivan through the rain.  We haven’t been able to park our minivan in the garage for months now, so I had to use a big umbrella to keep them all dry.  The van was parked very close to the edge of the driveway, so the kids had to walk single file to avoid stepping in the muddy grass to get in the side door.  I decided it would be wiser for me to step in the muddy grass and keep the umbrella over them while they got in the car.  In order to do this without stepping on my plants, I had to take a rather wide step.

The grass was muddier than I had expected and with my left foot slipping in the mud and my right foot still planted firmly on the driveway, I was falling quickly into a split at 34 weeks pregnant!  In a split second (pun intended), I subconsciously decided to “catch” myself…with my thigh muscles!  I was actually, amazingly, able to do this!  But, in the process I injured myself.

I thought at first that I had only pulled a muscle.  After a day of very slow limping and increasing pain, I called my midwife to see if I could get anything to make myself more comfortable.  She asked several questions about my pain and its exact location.  After answering her, she actually said, “Oh no!”  ”It sounds like you have separated your symphysis pubis.”  My what?

My symphysis pubis.  I know, it sounds a little X-rated.  Letter E in the diagram above is the symphysis pubis.  It is the cartilage that holds the pubic bones together.  So, basically, letter E has separated from letter D.  Ouch!

My new focus is to not go completely crazy while taking Darvocet and being on partial bed rest!  You heard me, bed rest!  As if!  It looks a little more like recliner rest at our house, and that has made it a little easier.  My Mama has come every morning to help and John is able to work from home some.  The biggest help has been that my Mama has taken my two year old, Silas, home with her every afternoon so that Isaac, Eliza Claire, and I can still have school.  I think we’ve learned more the past couple of days than we have in weeks!

The good news is that I am feeling better each day.  I go for an OB appointment tomorrow and we’ll see if my “feeling better” warrants them to lift this bed rest sentence!  Perhaps it (my symphysis pubis) is not completely separated, but only pulled.  I think only time will tell (that, or an x-ray, which is not highly advised when you’re pregnant).  If I must stay down, at least we now have a plan to keep me from being down and out.

My parents will be leaving town this weekend, but John’s parents are available to take Silas home with them for a week after a visit with us this weekend.  We have plenty of friends who have graciously offered to help as well.  We have stocked the fridge and freezer with easy meals that John can handle and Isaac has stepped up to serve breakfast and lunch!  I’m amazed at and proud of the way he has risen to the challenge of being such a big helper since I have been in the recliner.  Eliza Claire has finally decided (and very timely) to use the potty every time!  WOO HOO!

I have been induced around 38 weeks with all of my other pregnancies.  Since I am almost at 35 weeks, we should be able to schedule my induction to occur within the next few weeks.  We don’t want to take her out of the oven before she’s done cooking, but my neonatologist will be the one to give the thumbs up or down on an earlier induction after my ultrasound one week from tomorrow.  I’ll keep you posted.

In the mean time, please pray for me as I focus on my most important project!

Ok, the boys now.

Meet Isaac.  He will be six soon.  Isaac is very smart, fairly creative, and extremely talkative.  He loves school, soccer, and his Little Bear.  He also loves his cowboy themed room.  He helped me to pick out some of the things used in the room.  We’re still on the look out for fun, inexpensive cowboy accessories, but are now mostly finished with the room.

He's wearing "Incredibles" PJ's and reading his Bible at the breakfast table.

Then Silas.  My sweet 2 year old.  He is our clown and brings so much joy to the whole family.  He keeps us laughing with all the funny things he is learning to say and the things that he gets in to!  He loves cars and trucks (especially fire trucks).  He has a favorite blanket he calls, “Buddy.”  He loves his big brother and sister and has taught them both how to wrestle!

I love the way his belly hangs out from his undershirt, especially when his diaper is this full and sagging a little!

So #’s 6 & 7 are now finished.

I finally got the second curtain hung. They are lined with black out fabric so the room is dark when Silas takes his nap in the afternoon.

And the cowboy fabric valance is finished.

I ended up having to hot glue the rope behind the gathered fabric in order to keep it from untying or raveling. It was not easy doing this while the curtains were already hanging, but it was well worth the effort.

The pillows have been stuffed and sown.

The rest of the room is really cute.

Silas sits on the rocking horse in his cowboy hat and says, "Ye-haw." The painting was done by my Dad when he was about twelve or thirteen years old.

The painting over the bookcase was also done by my Dad when he was a boy.

The bookcase is flanked by two red striped club chairs from Ikea.

I've had this floor lamp since my college days. I just covered the shade with faux cowhide along with the other lamp shades in the room. The other two table lamps were garage sale finds a few years back.