campsight

I’ve been thinking a lot recently (a dangerous pastime, I know), about the unfinished project that is myself.  I’d like to share a few of my thoughts with you.

I would never call my Dad a “handy man,” per se, but he does have considerable knowledge of the way things work and some handy skills to get things working.  He definitely attempted his fair share of DIY projects around the house when I was growing up.  At times, he would be working in a spot that needed a little more light shed on it for him to see well what he was doing.  I, for some reason, always dreaded being called to “hold the light” for him.

Perhaps it was that this job sometimes called for me to get in an awkward position that was uncomfortable, or that my arms would get tired and expose my weakness.  What ever the reason, I just wanted to drop the light and cuss.  Of course, this would have resulted in severe disciplinary action on my father’s part (appropriately so), so I never went this route, but when I am honest with myself, cuss and give up is what I really wanted to do.

A lot of the thinking that I do is related to the music that I have been listening to at the time.  I was just listening to Caedmon’s Call Overdressed in my car.  I have my favorites off that album and have found that while I rarely skip over any songs, I just don’t pay as good attention to some as I do my favorites.  But today was different.  I actually heard the words of the song, “Hold the Light.”  It may become a new favorite:

it’s been a long year/like a long sleepless night/Jacob wrestled the angel/but I’m too tired to fight/every Wednesday/for two years we’ve met/I’ve showed you all my anger/my doubts and bitterness/there was no judgement in your eyes/just the silent peace of God/that felt so real in you/will you hold the light for me?/and I stay up late/because I cannot sleep/I don’t want to face the quiet/where its just God and me/I’m waiting for the gavel/handing me the sentence down/because I don’t believe forgiveness/or even repentance now/I want to feel redemption/flowing through my veins/I want to see with clear eyes/beyond lust and hate/I want the war to be over/and know the good guys won/and I want love to hold me/to know I’m not alone/standing around a willow weeping/we were praying in the backyard/in the chill of the night/the friendship light reminded me who we are.

The lines that caught my attention were, “because I don’t believe forgiveness/or even repentance now.”  I thought, “How sad that someone would not have the hope of forgiveness and healing of repentance in their life.”  I cling to this hope and healing on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis!

Then I listened to the song again to hear the context of those two lines.  I heard, “there was no judgement in your eyes/just the silent peace of God/that felt so real in you/will you hold the light for me?”  As a Christian, I am called to be salt and light in the lives of people that I live, work, and play with(Matthew 5:13-16).  I think that “salt” in these verses is sometimes interpreted as “seasoning,” as if it is our responsibility as Christians to make Christianity more palatable.  I’m not so sure this is right.  I mean, wouldn’t you think it would say something like “cumin” or “red pepper flakes”  if we were to spice up the Christian life?

I believe that these verses are referring to the healing properties of salt, not the seasoning properties.  The Christian life is not always as palatable as we would like for it to be for ourselves or others.  It can, at times, even be down right offensive to some.  It doesn’t promise perfection, but it does promise the healing power of repentance and the hope of forgiveness.  This hope is what I believe this verse is speaking of when it refers to light.  So, as Christians, we are called to show the world the healing power of repentance (salt) and the hope of forgiveness (light).

This is harder than it sounds.  It sometimes calls for me to be put in awkward positions that are uncomfortable.  It may also expose my weaknesses.  Especially when those whom I love and for whom I want so badly to be salt and light, are struggling to believe in forgiveness and repentance.  My compassion weakens to fear and I want to cuss and give up.  My eyes become full of judgement and lose the silent peace of God.  I feel like I need to say more, but my words no longer feel real.  I drop the light and thus the hope of forgiveness.

I’m not sure that this particular project will ever be completed (until Heaven), but I do hope to get some work done on it!  I pray that God will give me the patience and perseverance needed to be salt and light, hope and healing in the lives of everyone I come in contact with.  Can I “hold the light” for you?